Aged loneliness

We had not seen nor talked with each other for over a year. The difference in our political views had separated us. Then, just last week, I received an email asking to get together for lunch. I was a bit worried the political subject would come up along with why no communication for over a year. However, it did not take long to realize the real reason for getting together.
My friend is a 77 YO male who lost his wife to cancer 5 years ago. His favorite thing to do is pass on raucous and rank emails and surf the Internet. He has few friends, as many of them have passed on, especially his siblings. My friend was lonely.
Over lunch we updated ourselves about what each had been doing for the past year. After about 10 minutes and my update, his loneliness became evident. I could not get a word in. He was all over the place with his conversation obviously seeking a listener; he expressed a desire about finding a female of similar age and interests. With ensuing suggestions, the loneliness gave way to, “Yes, but, that would be nice, I couldn’t call her; she probably wouldn’t want to see an old guy like me.”
After about an hour of this, we were graciously interrupted by a woman sitting behind him who had overheard our conversation and got up to kindly share her thoughts. “Reed is right; there are many women out there who would love to meet you and just have someone to do things together with no strings attached.” She obviously was paying attention as she heard my name somewhere in the conversation. Later, we asked her to join us as her party disbanded.
Karen shared her own journey of losing her husband over two years ago and how she got back into social circulation after her grieving. The most impactful thing I heard her say was, “There is no future in the past.” I continued to hear the “yes, but” and decided to just listen to the two of them and later insert what I was hearing. I heard a lonely man, so confused and scared, he was frozen to stepping forward into any direction or social interaction, other than what he knew.
As I left the restaurant after a 3 hour lunch I wondered how many other people are in my friend’s shoes. With the aging of our population I am certain there are thousands of men and women who are afraid to connect with others of the opposite sex for fear of… whatever they can think of. Couldn’t we have done a better job teaching people how to fill up their own “self esteem containers?” Or is it about filling up our loneliness vases with wonderful experiences provided by the opposite sex?